Chun Lee

Death of an LJ

2007-02-03T10:07:56Z

Say goodbye to this LJ. Thanks to CPC I won't have to cut and paste my blogs to this LJ. Now it'll just post up at http://chuntastic2.livejournal.com/ So friend it accordingly.

It's ok if you want to cry.

Proving You Wrong

2007-01-31T05:39:55Z

This is for all of you who argued with me saying that a music video about the Karate Kid, more specifically a music video about how Cobra Kai's Johnny should sweep Daniel-san's leg, was a good idea. I now have the proof to show you why it is actually a horrible horrible abortion of an idea.

http://www.freeindie.com/2007/01/no_more_kings_sweep_the_leg.html

chuntastic @ 2007-01-29T21:38:00

2007-01-30T02:38:56Z

Last year I showed you all the spikes of doom that haunted your dreams but now I present you with the GIANT SPIKE OF DOOM! This four-foot monstrosity will one day impale someone. You can tell how evil it is by how the sunlight glints off of it. Beware, it may be a heat-seeker.

I'm Not Getting to 100

2007-01-19T07:56:41Z

I have to admit it. I can tell at the rate I am getting rejections I won't be able to get to 100. Just sold my zombie story A Contained Inferno to the Late Late Show so odds went down even further.

Rejection Count: 3

Because It was Time for a Change

2007-01-12T07:38:55Z

For Your Christmas Needs

2006-12-08T23:00:48Z

In case you need some ideas for Christmas gifts this year.

http://homepage.ntlworld.com/ashen1/ashen/menu/swars.htm

Rocky

2006-12-06T16:18:33Z

I don't know if I told you guys about Rocky Raccoon or not. He's this guy that comes to our porch and chews open our garbage. He always leaves this mess and we always allow it. Why you ask? Because he's cute as hell. I was lucky enough to snap some pictures of the little guy. The following pics are shown in the order they were taken.

The thief caught in the act! He's thinking he might be in trouble...

He's put his hands together, begging for forgiveness. I'm sure he'll never come back and make us pick up scraps of garbage again.

Wait.. where's he think he's going?

Cocky little bastard.

chuntastic @ 2006-12-01T07:43:00

2006-12-01T07:43:58Z

Will just emailed me with a link to the artist they decided for the upcoming Sails and Sorcery anthology. I could try to explain how great this stuff looks but why don't I just give you the link?

http://jdillon.net/portfolio/

Pretty huh? I can't wait to see how Stillworld will look. Flying ships, pirate orcs, and a giant monster sticking out of the sand. I feel like a kid on Christmas eve.

Dammit

2006-11-09T15:41:00Z

I was trying to get my rejection count up but something hindered me a big way. My story Stillworld sold to Fantasist Enterprises's Sails and Sorcery anthology. So instead of getting another rejection I now have one less story to send out to rack up the rejection counts. Guess I'll just have to keep at it and redouble my efforts because my goal of getting 100 rejections just took a big hit.

Rejection Count: 1

I Voted

2006-11-07T19:53:30Z

Yay!

Time to Vote

2006-11-06T21:14:14Z

So tomorrow will be the first time I vote in my life. I'm pretty excited though. I plan to have a little party by my self hooting and booing at results as they come in. Today I registered to vote and it kind of took me by surprise that all they needed from me was a driver's license. I could have been voting all this time and no one would have known. Well, I guess I would have known. I feel better having done it the right way anyways. I've been addicted to Internet election maps guessing how the senate and house races will go so I'll give out my own predictions and you can agree or disagree as you see fit.

Dems win the House. They win it big. I say we pick up over 30 and maybe 40 seats. That's a pretty bold prediction but I think national sentiment is so anti-Bush that the voters will feel a need to extract vengeance on the president by taking away his tool for getting crap passed.

Senate is ends up tied at 50-50. It won't be enough to take the Senate because Dick Cheney will give majority to the Repubs but it will tighten up things so much that any crazy right wing vote will get shot down by dissenting moderate Repubs. This means that Cheney will have to give up his habit of shooting old lawyers in the face and get to work in the Senate a whole lot more. We'll have a much better chance at the senate in '08 so look forward to that.

Silly Internet

2006-10-14T22:11:50Z

Every once in a while I will scan through craigslist to see if there are any choice writing related jobs available. Most of them are scams or not anything close to what I am interested in. Sometimes you get someone who was too lazy to write their own book like this one.

http://maine.craigslist.org/wrg/216821287.html

Now I'm not saying that this woman didn't have a traumatic life and doesn't have enough material to write a bestselling book. My problem comes with the I-want-someone-else-to-write-it-for-me part. I feel that if you have a story to tell then you're the only person who can do it. There are parts in your life that only wiyh personal experience can you fully express on paper. Anything second hand would just feel like a story and incensere.

This also reminds me to tell people to stop giving me their story ideas. I really hate it. Hate it. It's kind of insulting when you tell me that they have the idea that will turn into a bestseller. Do you think we can't produce such an idea on our own? Pretty much, it smacks of laziness when people do this to me. "I have a great story idea but I don't want to do the work so let me give it to you and you can do the hard part and when it makes shit loads of money I should get a piece of the pie."

Hmmmm... you're a nice person and all, but, fuck you.

Classic Chuntastic 3

2006-10-12T00:31:53Z

I'm still proud of my discovery of craptry. Here's the post that gave birth to that wet, twisted, horrible, stillborn.

Tim Mcgraw and Nelly have collaborated on a song together. This new sound, the mix of Country and Rap will now be dubbed by me as Craptry, or Crap for short. It is a mix of sounds that I have dreaded since the blending of rock and rap back in the late 90's, and unfortunately, knew to be inevitable. Now some of you might argue that Kid Rock had been producing crap for years now but I would say that there is a healthy dose of rock in his music as well, which adds up to Crack (Rock + Rap + Country). If there is however, and earlier case of Crap, that I am not aware of (and I mean the mainstream music arena), please let me know and I shall change my records accordingly.

I'm Alive... I Think

2006-10-09T19:29:06Z

A lot of nice people asked me if I got home alive and well and I'm afraid the worst has happened. Yup, on my way to the airport I got bitten by a zombie and became one myself. Now that I am what I am I intend to break conventions of zombies. We're not all the feet dragging, mindless corpses that you may think we are. Some of us live very fruitful lives. I know my zombie friend Xavier has four kids and sells computer parts to local businesses for a living. (Don't let him get started on how much better AMD is compared to Intel, he'll chew your ear off.)

The con was really fun. It was a very social con but I think I learned more at this one than any of the others. One of the lessons I learned came from Tobey who explained that he once had a goal to reach 100 rejections a year. When I heard that, I was really hit with a, "what a good idea" moment. We all send things out and hope for the best but we have no control of whether it will be picked for publication or not but you can go for a hundred rejection goal and reach it and feel pretty good about yourself. So starting today I'll be keeping a rejection count and do my best to make it to one hundred before the same time this year. I have six stories out right now and I guess the best way to reach this goal is by keeping about 20-25 stories out at all times. Man, this is going to be tough but I'll soon have a seventh and I started on an eighth.

Another lesson I learned was the commitment these published authors put to their writing. They never waited for the big time to hit before they really tried to pursue being a writer but they decided "dammit this is what I am going to do" and they went at it full throttle. A commitment I can't make yet but at least I have another goal in mind to reach.

Also came the concept that you have to improve as a writer no matter what level you are at. I admit to a little apathy in my writing after graduating from SHU. I guess I felt like I hit a plateau and that there wasn't much room for improvement but now I know I still have mountains to climb and there will probably never be an end to it.

The workshop was fantastic. I got some good comments but Charlie really went at my story like a surgical laser and told me exactly what was wrong with it. These are the types of comments you go to workshops for and to get so many of them was priceless. If any of you SHUer's can get him to be a mentor for the program you will be pretty darned lucky.

So that's about what I learned. What about you guys? Care to share any knowledge? Go ahead and comment please and let me pick at your delicious, yummy brains.

Airport Blog

2006-10-06T14:05:22Z

One of my favorite things to do is blog from the airport. I feel like such a professional with my laptop typing shit up. Too bad it's just me letting my mind wander here and there. I'm on little to no sleep so I think I'll crash as soon as I get to the hotel.

Classic Chuntastic 2

2006-10-03T08:04:28Z

Some of you noticed that I became a US citizen a few months back. Some of you assumed that I did it because I was a patriotic person and wanted the right to vote and I would like to say that was the truth but I would be lying. Below is exactly the reason why I did it. Funny thing is, although I know it's hilarious. I still get angry as hell when I think about it. Who knew emotions could be so complicated?

Green card renewal application fee: $130.00

2 pictures showing the applicants right ear to go with green card application. $12.00

Parking meter $0.25

Another set of pictures so that you can get a temporary green card, even though the application says you only need 2: $12.00

Wages lost waiting for my freaken number to be called when it was called while I was getting my 2nd set of picture across the street from the federal building: $48.00

Goddamned parking ticket for taking so long in the federal building for a meter that only had a maximum of one hour you can put into, which was found after my 4 hour wait waiting for a freakin number that was already called by freakin dumb ass bastards: $37.00

Piece of shit parking fee for moving my car to a new parking lot that had hourly rates: $1.00

Cost of my Cutco pocket knife when I had to give it up to enter the building a third time even though I got away with it in my pocket on two seperate occasions, and had to give it up to a cunt licking bastard of a shit faced numb nuts security guy who said he would watch it for me while I was up there to finally pick up my blasted piece of shit temporary greencard so that I can start my goddamned citizenship application, but only ended up with a missing dumbshit stealing cock sucking shit eating line monkey power trip asshole dick licker of a security guard: $35.00

The feeling of Uncle Sam spreading open your ass cheeks in order to insert his red white and blue cock into your anus: Priceless.

My 5AM Entry

2006-10-01T09:27:31Z

I want people to understand that I don't enjoy being a night owl. It's just the way I am. If I woke at 7AM every morning I wouldn't care any more than my usual 12 or 1PM wake up time. All I care about is getting a decent amount of sleep. Every once in a while, like right now for instance, I can't get my usual 7-6 hours of sleep. Every once in a while I have to be happy with 5 or 4 hours. Or any for that matter. Some of you might not get this. Some of you never suffered from insomnia or lived with someone who does. I'll try to explain it to you.
I would love to just close my eyes and sleep. I'm tired as hell. I wish it would happen like the flick of a switch the minute my head hits the pillow and sometimes that happens and I find myself lucky when it does. Sometimes that doesn't happen. Sometimes lying in bed only keeps me more awake than sitting in my chair watching TV or reading a book. Thoughts can be louder than any rock concert or space shuttle launch. Ridiculous thoughts about things that would never concern me normally. Things that I'll most likely forget the next day. Sometimes they are great thoughts and they tell me how a story ends or gives me a perfect scene for a story but for the most part it's just random junk that can be ignored. In some ways I am grateful. Some of my greatest story elements came from me staring at the blackness of my room.
You would think being tired was all you needed to sleep but that's not the case. If I knew what I needed to do to be asleep, believe me I'd have done it by now and wouldn't be up writing this thing. In a few hours the Sun will be up, the morning birds will be singing and to me it will be the victory song of my insomnia. Yeah that bastard won tonight. I got no sleep and tomorrow, I'll feel like crap all day. Oh well, you can't win them all right? Except for you lucky few who was never hit with a bout of insomnia. You guys win every night and I want to throw a bucket of freezing water on you for being so lucky. What? I can't be a sore loser?

Tricky Dick

2006-09-27T02:42:20Z

I know a lot of people who do this but I've never named my car before. It's not something I find to be stupid, it's just that a car's name never came to me, though my old Elantra would speak with a Cowboy accent (I don't know why, even weirder is the fact that it was a Hyundai).

But a recent experience with my current car made me decide to name it. You see my Topaz seems to fail to start once every 20 tries or so. I don't know why. If it fails to start I'll try again a few minutes later and it would start with no problem. I once spoke with a mechanic about it and it turns out it's some defect in the car design. Something about the wiring. It could never happen again or it could happen next week. Who knows? So naming this car became pretty easy. I named it after Richard Nixon who was known to be a tricky politician and a dick.

Classic Chuntastic

2006-09-20T16:51:09Z

I was going to do a WAMJ but dammit I just don't have the time to screw around the Internet, looking for lame technology. So instead I decided to start a series that requires less work on my part and also helps to celebrate the 300 post mark for Chuntastic. I'm bringing in Classic Chuntastic. I'll just scan through some of my old posts and repost some of my favorites. Remember this one from way back in 2003?

Yesterday I recieved a letter saying that I have completed all of the required classes and have now graduated. It wasn't a diploma but it said I could use it as one until they send me the real thing. Pretty neat stuff.
Now for this second part let me warn you that it is really really gross so if you are feint of heart I recommend that you stop reading now....Now for those of you who have chosen you read further let me say that you have made a severe mistake. You see a few days ago the neighbor's cat decided to leave a baby bird on the door matt of my place. Well it wasn't soon before the ants got to the carcass and started eating it up. But that isn't the bad part. You see this morning I went to throw away some garbage and forgot that the thing was there and stepped on it with my bare foot! Suddenly I find rotting feathers, ants, and what I can only describe as bird jam on my foot! The carcass was crushed under my weight and I can only thank the ants for not letting it be as juicy as it could have been... but still....... ewwwwwwwwwwww! Ewwwwwwwww! I am traumatized now and will aways be washing my foot for the rest of my life.

300

2006-09-06T05:01:08Z

Behold. You now gaze upon the 300th post of chuntastic. Pretty big milestone because it means I can now go on syndication and everyone knows that that is where the big money is.
I believe some awards are in order. I shall now give chuntastic a CHUNTASTIC award for superior excellence in chuntastitude. Long live chuntastic! Have I said chuntastic enough in this post? No?

chuntastic.

Where are My Jetpacks 4

2006-09-04T16:40:57Z

Oh man. You guys are going to love this week's WAMJ. This fascinating technology is used to reduce spillage in public urinals.

http://fatpita.net/img.php?id=urinal.jpg

Did you click on it? I didn't lie to you did I? My only question is why did they use a fly? Why not a big target with some type of point based system? Knowing the male mind I know guys who would come back from the bathroom touting a perfect score. Hell, let's take this technology up a level and actually have some electric devise type thing to count the score. The scientists will have to figure out a way for us not to electrify ourselves though.

WoT-Ometer is at an all time low of 2 for this thing because there are some technologies that jetpacks can wait for and this is one of them.

A Bit of Insperation

2006-08-29T00:39:52Z

I thought I would post some pics of Stephen Kings house for my writer friends to be inspired with. When I went there there was already a group of people taking pics of the house. Guess it's a tourist spot.

Here's a close up of that cool gargoyle.

Where are My Jetpacks 3

2006-08-27T06:07:35Z

This weeks WAMJ comes from this device, which was made so fish can explore our terrestrial world. Go ahead, watch the video.

http://www.communistrobot.com/viewblog.php?id=191

Watched it? Well, even if you haven't it's about 3 mins of the same thing. Fish in a bowl not truly understanding the nature of the power it holds.
Why?
Why did you make this thing? Honestly. Come on. I don't even know what to say. It reminds me of the Futurama episode where the mad scientist makes a device so his goldfish could walk on land.
WOT-O-meter of this thing is at 7. Only because there may be a time in the future when our dolphin overlords will require such a technology. Oh, that's right, I intend to back-stab all you filthy two-legs when the dolphins take over. All hail Lord Bottlenose!

My Top 5 Funny Memories

2006-08-21T00:37:04Z

Every once in a while, when I'm all alone, I'll start laughing out loud. Why you may ask? Well it's because I just remembered some of my favorite funny memories. Here are my top five.

1. Beau Smashes His Brother's Head
We're hanging out in Beau's room late at night and he says he wants to check in on his little brothers. Beau comes back saying Marc must have slipped off the bed and blocked the path of the door. Beau had accidentally slammed the door on Marc's head a couple times trying to figure out what was blocking it. The oddest thing? Marc slept threw the whole thing.

2. I Want Something Hard
I'm at work talking about the need to have a catalogue to send to our potential clients instead of directing them to a website. I say "I want something hard and I can put in my hands." Then I follow with, "Wait... did I just say that?" The office was full of giggling for about ten minutes after that.

3. Cuntastic
Lori and I are chatting about what to name our new writer's blog. I suggest Write-tastic and she types back no we arn't going to name it after Cuntastic. Oh man... who knew one missing H could make me laugh so much?

4. Hold! Hold!
I don't remember what startled us. Maybe it was a bee, maybe it was the Dog of Judgment but something made me and a bunch of my friends back away from something and the first thing I hear from Paul is "HOLD! HOLD!" like some battlefield commander.

5. Sleep Peeing
I'm up late watching TV when my brother walks in groggy. He gives me some random insult and goes into the kitchen. He steps up to the trashbin, one with a pedal you can step on to lift up the lid, and proceeds to pee in it. I ask him what he's doing and he calls me an idiot. I'm the idiot? Who's the one peeing in the kitchen trashcan?

Vlad the Returnening

2006-08-17T21:56:42Z

Yesterday night I was cooking up myself something for dinner when a familiar flapping noise came at me. Vlad had returned and flew his usual flight around the house freaking me out. After some manly cowering I maneged to open the kitchen window so he could see the way out and he took it in an instant. Smart bat.

Got another nice rejection today. This one didn't elate me as much as the last one. I guess I am getting greedy and want them to ask for a full. We'll see though. Chun out.